I Don't Know What To Do Next
The story of how working hard has gotten me nowhere.
I used to have a set path that I worked hard to get and goals that I was able to achieve to a certain degree, but I don't want any of it now. I went to college to study law, and I obtained my degree. I got a job working for the courthouse, bought a condo, and was just working all the time.
During college, I had two jobs so that I could pay for my living expenses, rent, food, car, etc. Since I went to college, I thought I didn’t need to work two jobs anymore, but working for the courthouse never felt like enough money was being brought in. So I tried side hustles.
I tried starting a YouTube channel after my shift at the courthouse, and three years later that has gone nowhere. I tried a vending machine business, and two years later that has left me 200 dollars in the red. I have tried being a real estate agent and selling people’s houses, and that didn’t work. That number might also be in the negatives, but I don't want to go through all the fees and transactions. I even tried the stock market and renting out my condo and furniture flipping. You get the point, I have tried many, many things.
In a way, I know that being able to try so many things is good in itself or that because I’m willing to try and invest in new things, I’m somehow doing great, but it no longer feels like I’m doing great.
I have put in the time, I have put in the effort, I have put in the costs, and now, I don't know what to do anymore. It’s almost like the motivation has died. None of the things I have tried have worked, and I no longer want to do any of them. But then, what comes next?
I left the courthouse for a family emergency. Then that family emergency got extended because of Covid, so I haven’t returned to the courthouse and I probably never will. It didn’t make me happy for the amount of pay and stress it was giving me. I worked in a windowless cubical where the carpets had been there since the ’80s and all you ever got was yelled at. All for the great salary of $19 an hour.
So if the courthouse didn’t work, this means my degree didn’t work. My side hustles didn’t work; do I just try a new career path? What if that doesn’t work either? Is this all just a continuous path of seeing what will make me happy and financially secure? That doesn’t seem right. People say to do what you love, but I don’t really have a passion for anything. I don’t love to do one thing. Some people really love to draw or to work on computers or something that makes them happy, but if I do have a passion, I have not found it yet. This leads me to my title: I don’t know what to do.
Today, I let my real estate brokerage know that I quit, so by next week I will officially no longer be a real estate agent. I sold off all of my vending machines and I am currently left with just one. My YouTube channel still gets uploaded at least once a week, but I will probably be trying new content on there or quit, I’m not sure yet. Now that my family emergency is over and Covid is basically over, it’s time for me to either find another job or figure out what my passions are or what I want to do.
At the time of this article, I’m trying to quit everything, everything that I have built, in a sense. Maybe I’m looking for a new way of thinking or a new idea, or maybe this is the end of the side hustles. Maybe this is the end of investing and venturing out. I’m so close to just getting a minimum wage job at Target or maybe a bookstore and calling it a day, calling it quits, and just doing that one job for the rest of my life because I’m tired and I don't know what to do!
